Ye Dunciad

IF ye Kynge hath a moſt-ſpecial Powere, it is that of travellinge through Tyme (and indeede he doth, for otherwiſe, how would he be writinge a Royal Blogge?), and therefore, We ſaw, in our travels upon ye Royal Inter-kyngdome Webbe, that one of our (future) ſubjects had writtene a moſt amuſing Booke called ye Dunciad (hinte -- his name is Pope).

How appropriate indeede, that ſuch a name be compoſed! For, uſing of my Kingly powere, I ſhall appropriate Myſelfe of itte and uſe it for this Article.

Ye Dunciad is a ſong much ſung in theſe future Tymes; mediocrity, as it ſeemeth, hath become ye rule amongſt our ſubjects, and, foregoing ye healthy emulatione of My Owne Tyme, ſeem to diſpute themſelves ye Title of being ye moſt Mediocre & Undeſerving.

Among theſe are even thoſe who, fancying themſelves men of letters, have gone to Univerſitye, and yet prove themſelves to be all the greater Fools by denigrating & attacking ye work of others, in particular ye Theologiſts, by evoking pink Unicornes, not knowinge thatte, whereas ye dogma is derived from exegeſis, ſynods & councils, their pinke Unicorne is derived from Stupidity. Their owne ſtupiditye, mind.

Then are thoſe who, like this dubious Subject of myne, Sir Marmaduke Rawdon (a Manne whom I've had to knighte in ſpite of him having ye refinement of a Green-Grocer) uphold their own lack of breeding, and feel as naked without their baſeneſs, as a Whore without her Patches.

And many more a foole did I meete through my Travels through Tyme; I could ſpeak of ye Catalans, who foregoe all but themſelves, and claim Linage & Parentage with thoſe who recognize them not (ſuch as ye Sardinians!), or thoſe who baſhe ye French, or thoſe who call themſelves antifaſciſtes (a very novel word) whilſt they perpetrate actes of violaunce, or thoſe who believe Spain to be in ſouth America, &c.

Ye Kynge ſhall not go on; yet reſt aſsured, that he thinks they are idiots.